Holidays + family can be a lot – especially when there is history, expectations, or pressure to “be okay”. Some of us really, truly enjoy being around our family members – and that is fantastic! Unfortunately, that is not the truth for many. If you need it – here is a grounded, compassionate way to cope that does not require you to be a different person than you are.
Before You Go (Prep & Protection)
- Decide how long I am staying (set arrival + exit time)
- Identify 2 topics I won’t engage in (example: body, politics, relationships)
- Choose 1-2 boundary phrases to repeat if needed
- “I’m not discussing that today.”
- “Let’s change the subject.”
- Remind myself: I am not responsible for managing others’ feelings.
- Lower expectations: “Getting through” is success.
Pack Your Regulation Kit
- Headphones/calming playlist
- Comfort item (ring, stone, hoodie, fidget)
- Phone note with grounding reminders
- Medication, water, snack (blood sugar matters!)
- Exit excuse ready (real or vague)
During the Gathering
- Sit near an easy exit if possible
- Take micro-breaks (bathroom, outside, kitchen)
- Use neutral responses for intrusive comments
- “Hmm”
- “I see.”
- “That’s one way to think about it.”
- Breathe: longer exhale than inhale
- Remember: I can disengage without leaving.
If Things Escalate
- Name 5 things I can see
- Plant feet, feel the floor
- Repeat boundary once, then disengage
- Step away without explaining
- If needed: leave early (this is not failure)
Aftercare (Non-Negotiable)
- Change clothes as soon as I get home
- Eat something comforting
- Do one soothing activity (shower, TV, music, coloring)
- Limit rumination (set a “worry timer”)
- Sleep or rest without guilt
Reframe the Day
- What I did well:
- One moment I protected myself:
- One thing I can release now:
- Affirmation: “I showed up as much as I could. That is enough.”
I hope you enjoy your Holiday season!
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