Grounded Growth Counseling & Consulting, LLC

Have you ever noticed that part of you wants one thing while another part of you wants the exact opposite?

Part of you wants to apply for the job.

Part of you is terrified of rejection.

Part of you wants to set a boundary.

Part of you doesn’t want to disappoint anyone.

Part of you wants to leave the relationship.

Part of you wants to stay.

When this happens, many people become frustrated with themselves.

They think: “Why can’t I just make up my mind?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “Why am I so conflicted?”

But what if the conflict isn’t a sign that something is wrong? What if it’s a sign that multiple parts of you are trying to help? This is where the Internal Board Meeting comes in.

What Is the Internal Board Meeting?

Imagine your mind as a conference room. Around the table sit different members of your internal board. Each member has a perspective. Each member has concerns. Each member wants something slightly different. Some common board members might include:

• The Anxious Part
• The Perfectionist
• The People-Pleaser
• The Critic
• The Protector
• The Caregiver
• The Curious Part
• The Compassionate Part
• The Adventurer
• The Values-Guided Part

None of these parts are inherently bad. Even the difficult ones are usually trying to protect you in some way. The problem occurs when one board member grabs the microphone and refuses to let anyone else speak.

Why This Skill Works

Many emotional struggles involve internal polarization.

One part wants safety. Another wants growth. One part wants connection. Another wants protection. One part wants certainty. Another wants freedom.

When we become fused with only one perspective, we lose access to the bigger picture.

Research on self-compassion, mindfulness, and parts-based approaches suggests that creating psychological distance from our thoughts and emotions can improve decision-making and emotional regulation.

The Internal Board Meeting helps you step back and become the chairperson of the meeting rather than one of the board members.

A Common Example

Imagine you’ve been invited to an event where you won’t know many people. The board meeting might sound like this:

The Anxious Part: “Don’t go. It will be uncomfortable.”

The Protector: “We’ve been embarrassed before. Let’s avoid that happening again.”

The Lonely Part: “I really want connection.”

The Curious Part: “What if we actually enjoy ourselves?”

The Values-Guided Part: “Building relationships is important to us.”

Notice something important: Every part has a valid perspective. The goal isn’t to eliminate the anxious voice. The goal is to make sure it isn’t the only voice in the room.

How to Hold an Internal Board Meeting

Step 1: Identify the Decision

Choose a situation where you’re feeling stuck or conflicted.

Examples:

• Whether to set a boundary
• Whether to attend an event
• Whether to apply for a job
• Whether to have a difficult conversation

Step 2: Identify the Board Members

Ask yourself: “Who is showing up around the table?”

Give each perspective a name. You might notice:

• The Fearful Part
• The Responsible Part
• The Hopeful Part
• The Hurt Part
• The Self-Critical Part

Try not to judge them. Simply notice them.

Step 3: Let Each Part Speak

For each board member, ask:

• What are you worried about?
• What are you hoping for?
• What are you trying to protect me from?
• What do you need me to know?

Write down the answers. You may be surprised by what emerges. Often the parts we dislike most are carrying important information.

A Relationship Example

Imagine your partner forgot something important. Your board meeting might include:

• The Hurt Part: “I feel unimportant.”
• The Angry Part: “This isn’t okay.”
• The People-Pleasing Part: “Don’t bring it up. You’ll create conflict.”
• The Protective Part: “Keep your distance so you don’t get hurt again.”
• The Compassionate Part: “Let’s gather more information before assuming the worst.”
• The Values-Guided Part: “Healthy relationships require honest communication.”

Without the board meeting, you might react from whichever voice is loudest. With the board meeting, you gain perspective.

Who Gets the Final Vote?

This is the most important part of the exercise. Every board member gets a voice. Not every board member gets a vote. Fear gets a voice. Shame gets a voice. Anxiety gets a voice. But they do not automatically make the decision.

Instead, imagine that your wisest, most grounded self serves as the chairperson. The chairperson listens carefully. The chairperson gathers information. The chairperson considers everyone’s concerns. Then the chairperson decides what action best aligns with your values.

Common Mistakes

Trying to Eliminate Certain Parts:

• The goal is not to silence anxiety, anger, sadness, or fear.
• These parts often contain useful information.
• The goal is to listen without handing over complete control.

Assuming One Part Is “The Real You”

• People often ask: “Which part is the real me?”
• The answer is usually all of them.
• Humans are complex.
• It’s normal to have multiple, sometimes conflicting perspectives.

Letting Fear Run the Meeting

• Fear often speaks the loudest.
• That doesn’t mean it has the best solution.
• Listening to fear is helpful.
• Following fear automatically is not.

Try This Today

The next time you feel stuck, pause, and ask: “Who is sitting around my internal conference table right now?”

Then let each part speak. Listen with curiosity. Gather the information.

And remember: You don’t have to silence every voice inside your head. You just have to make sure one voice isn’t making every decision. Because healing isn’t about getting rid of parts of yourself. It’s about learning how to lead them.

References

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. https://doi.org/10.1080/15298860309032

Schwartz, R. C., & Sweezy, M. (2020). Internal family systems therapy (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Shadick, N. A., Sowell, N. F., Frits, M. L., Hoffman, S. M., Hartz, S. A., Booth, F. D., Calkins, A., Le, L., & Iannaccone, C. K. (2013). A randomized controlled trial of an internal family systems-based psychotherapeutic intervention on outcomes in rheumatoid arthritis: A proof-of-concept study. The Journal of Rheumatology, 40(11), 1831–1841. https://doi.org/10.3899/jrheum.121465