Grounded Growth Counseling & Consulting, LLC

You’re irritable.

Everything feels overwhelming.

Your partner chewing approximately six feet away from you feels like a personal attack.

You can’t concentrate.

You’re anxious.

You’re questioning your career.

You’re pretty sure nobody likes you.

The email you need to answer suddenly feels like a task requiring an advanced degree.

So naturally, you start trying to figure out what’s wrong.

Is this anxiety?

Am I burned out?

Do I need to set a boundary?

Is something wrong in my relationship?

Am I avoiding my feelings?

Is this a trauma response?

Do I need to journal?

Maybe.

But first: When did you last eat?

I know.

Deeply disappointing therapy.

Sometimes you need a coping skill.

Sometimes you need to process an emotion.

Sometimes you need to challenge a thought, tolerate distress, practice acceptance, communicate a need, or make a difficult change.

And sometimes? You need a snack.

Not Every Uncomfortable Feeling Requires a Psychological Investigation

As a therapist, I am obviously a fan of self-reflection. I would be in the wrong profession otherwise. But I also think we can accidentally become too good at analyzing ourselves.

We’re upset, so immediately:

• What does this mean?
• Where is this coming from?
• What childhood experience is being activated right now?
• What pattern am I repeating?

Meanwhile, your body is standing in the background like: Hello? We haven’t eaten since 9:00 a.m.

Human beings are psychological creatures.

We’re also biological creatures.

Our emotions don’t happen in a little separate mental-health compartment disconnected from everything else happening in our bodies.

Sleep, hunger, illness, pain, hormonal changes, substances, physical exhaustion, and stress can all affect how we experience and regulate emotions.

Sometimes there is a deep psychological issue.

Sometimes your nervous system is just working with extremely limited resources.

Your Body Gets a Vote

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) explicitly recognizes this.

One of DBT’s emotion-regulation skills, commonly remembered with the acronym PLEASE, focuses on reducing physical vulnerability to intense emotions.

The basic idea is not: If you eat vegetables and sleep eight hours, you’ll never be sad again.

That would be convenient.

The idea is that taking care of physical factors—such as illness, eating, sleep, physical activity, and substances—can reduce vulnerability to emotional dysregulation.

Think about it this way.

Imagine your emotional capacity is a cup.

On a relatively good day, maybe your cup starts mostly empty.

Then:

Traffic.

Email.

Work problem.

Partner makes an annoying comment.

Dog throws up.

Fine.

There’s still some room.

Now imagine starting the same day:

Hungry.

Five hours of sleep.

Headache.

Dehydrated.

Haven’t had a break in nine hours.

Now add:

Traffic.

Email.

Work problem.

Partner makes an annoying comment.

Dog throws up.

WHY IS EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE AGAINST ME?

The events didn’t necessarily become bigger.

Your available capacity got smaller.

Hunger Really Can Affect How You Feel

“Hanger” is not an official psychiatric diagnosis.

I checked.

But there is evidence that hunger can influence emotional experience.

Research by MacCormack and Lindquist (2019) found that hunger was associated with greater unpleasant, high-arousal emotions such as anger and irritability, particularly depending on context and people’s awareness of their internal state.

That last part is interesting.

Sometimes we experience a physiological state but interpret it through whatever is happening around us.

So:

Body: We require calories.

Brain: Interesting. Perhaps my coworker is an unbearable human being.

Maybe.

Your coworker could absolutely still be annoying.

Both things can be true.

But perhaps eat lunch before making a final determination.

Sleep-Deprived You Is Working With Different Equipment

Then there’s sleep.

We know sleep and emotional functioning are closely connected.

Sleep deprivation has been associated with increased negative mood and changes in emotional reactivity and emotion regulation (Krause et al., 2017; Palmer & Alfano, 2017).

If you’ve ever slept terribly and then found yourself nearly crying because you couldn’t find the correct lid for a Tupperware container, you probably did not need this research explained to you.

When you’re exhausted, your ability to handle ordinary stressors may be lower.

Again, that doesn’t mean:

“Your feelings aren’t real. You’re just tired.”

Please don’t say that to people.

It’s annoying.

The emotion is real.

The situation may also genuinely matter.

We’re simply adding information:

I’m having this emotional reaction AND I’m running on four hours of sleep.

Maybe today isn’t the day we use this feeling as definitive evidence that your entire life needs restructuring.

Pain and Illness Count Too

Have you ever noticed that you become significantly less interested in practicing your coping skills when you have a migraine?

Strange.

Physical pain and emotional distress interact.

So do illness and fatigue.

If your body is already using resources to manage pain, illness, or physical stress, your capacity for additional demands may be different.

This is why I like the word vulnerability here.

Your physical state doesn’t necessarily cause the emotion.

It may make you more vulnerable to experiencing the emotion intensely.

That distinction matters.

Maybe your partner actually said something hurtful.

Being hungry doesn’t mean you’re imagining it.

But perhaps the difference between:

“Hey, that bothered me. Can we talk about it?”

and

“I HAVE NEVER BEEN RESPECTED ONCE IN THIS RELATIONSHIP”

is partially that you haven’t eaten in seven hours.

Let’s get some crackers involved and reassess.

Enter: HALT

Another simple check-in I often like is HALT:

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

Before deciding that everything is terrible, check:

Am I hungry?

Am I already carrying anger from something else?

Do I need connection?

Am I exhausted?

HALT isn’t a diagnostic instrument.

It’s not going to uncover the deepest layers of your psyche.

It’s a quick reminder to ask:

Is there a basic need here that I’ve been ignoring?

Sometimes there is.

And Maybe Add a Few More Questions

Personally, I think we could expand the list.

Before conducting a complete psychological autopsy of your current mood, ask:

Have I eaten?

Have I had water?

How much did I sleep?

Am I in pain?

Am I sick?

Have I been around people continuously for twelve hours?

Have I been alone continuously for three days?

Have I moved my body at all today?

Have I had five minutes where nobody needed anything from me?

Have I consumed enough caffeine to personally hear colors?

Have I been staring at a screen since sunrise?

None of these questions invalidate the emotional experience.

They give you more context for it.

Sometimes You Need the Skill

Let’s be clear.

The title of this post is not:

All Mental Health Problems Can Be Solved With Trail Mix.

Sometimes you ate.

You slept.

You drank water.

You went outside.

You did all the responsible mammal maintenance.

And you’re still anxious.

Okay.

Now maybe we need a skill.

Maybe you need distress tolerance.

Maybe you’re avoiding something important.

Maybe you need to practice opposite action.

Maybe you need grounding.

Maybe you need to challenge a thought.

Maybe you need to stop challenging the thought because you’ve turned it into a three-hour debate.

Maybe you need acceptance.

Maybe you need an exposure.

Maybe you need to set a boundary.

Maybe you need to have a conversation.

Maybe you need support.

Maybe you need to grieve.

Sometimes there is actual emotional work to do.

A sandwich is not going to resolve your childhood trauma.

I feel comfortable making that clinical statement.

Sometimes You Need Both

This is probably the most realistic answer.

Sometimes you need a skill and a snack.

Maybe you’re genuinely anxious about something.

Okay.

Eat something.

Then practice the skill.

Maybe you’re grieving.

You don’t have to stop grieving.

But perhaps we grieve after dinner too.

Maybe you’re overwhelmed.

Let’s reduce the physiological vulnerability and figure out what’s making life unsustainable.

Maybe you’re angry because someone violated a boundary.

You can eat lunch and still set the boundary.

Taking care of your body doesn’t mean dismissing your emotions.

It can actually make it easier to respond to them effectively.

Stop Making Yourself Earn Basic Needs

There’s another piece of this that comes up a lot.

Sometimes we know what we need.

We just don’t think we’re allowed to have it yet.

I’ll eat after I finish this.

I’ll go to the bathroom after this meeting.

I’ll rest when I’m caught up.

I’ll go to bed after I answer these emails.

I’ll take a break when this project is done.

Suddenly basic bodily needs have become employee benefits you only receive after meeting productivity quotas.

Your body did not agree to this arrangement.

You don’t have to complete a certain amount of work before you’re allowed to eat.

You don’t have to reach maximum exhaustion before you’re allowed to rest.

You don’t have to be completely overwhelmed before you’re allowed to take a break.

Meeting a need before you hit crisis level is actually preferable.

Wild concept.

Try the “Skill or Snack?” Check-In

The next time everything suddenly feels like too much, pause before assuming you need to solve your entire emotional life.

Ask yourself:

1. What am I feeling?

Anxious?

Irritable?

Sad?

Overwhelmed?

Restless?

Disconnected?

2. What does my body need?

Food?

Water?

Sleep?

Movement?

Medication I normally take as prescribed?

A bathroom break?

A quieter environment?

Relief from sensory overload?

Medical attention if something physically isn’t right?

3. What does my emotional system need?

Validation?

Connection?

Space?

A boundary?

Problem-solving?

Acceptance?

Distress tolerance?

A coping skill?

4. What can wait?

This one’s important.

Not everything needs to be addressed at maximum intensity.

Maybe:

I’m going to eat dinner and then decide whether I need to respond to that text.

Or:

I’m exhausted. I’m going to revisit this problem tomorrow.

Or:

I do need to have this conversation, but I don’t need to have it while I’m overwhelmed.

You’re not ignoring the problem.

You’re improving the conditions under which you’re going to deal with it.

Maybe Don’t Believe Every Thought You Have While Depleted

When we’re physically and emotionally depleted, our brains can become incredibly convincing.

I can’t handle anything.

Everything is too much.

I’m failing.

Nobody cares about me.

I need to quit.

I need to fix everything right now.

Maybe some of those thoughts contain important information.

But before we reorganize your entire life around them:

Can we check your battery first?

You don’t have to dismiss the thought.

Just add context.

“I’m feeling completely overwhelmed, AND I’m exhausted.”

“I’m incredibly irritable, AND I haven’t eaten.”

“Everything feels impossible right now, AND I’ve been working for ten hours without a break.”

Both pieces of information matter.

You’re a Person, Not a Brain in a Jar

Mental health isn’t only about thoughts.

Or emotions.

Or coping skills.

You live in a body.

A body that needs food.

Water.

Sleep.

Movement.

Rest.

Medication when appropriate.

Medical care.

Connection.

Quiet.

Stimulation.

Breaks.

And approximately eight million other forms of maintenance nobody mentioned when we signed up for being human.

Sometimes there is a pattern to explore.

Sometimes there’s trauma to process.

Sometimes there’s a thought to challenge.

Sometimes there’s uncertainty to tolerate.

Sometimes there’s a boundary to set.

Sometimes there’s a feeling to sit with.

And sometimes your brain is desperately trying to locate a deep psychological explanation for why you’re suddenly furious with everyone around you…

when you have survived the entire day on coffee and determination.

So before we unpack your childhood:

Have a snack.

Then we’ll see where we’re at.

References

Krause, A. J., Simon, E. B., Mander, B. A., Greer, S. M., Saletin, J. M., Goldstein-Piekarski, A. N., & Walker, M. P. (2017). The sleep-deprived human brain. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 18(7), 404–418. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn.2017.55

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

MacCormack, J. K., & Lindquist, K. A. (2019). Feeling hangry? When hunger is conceptualized as emotion. Emotion, 19(2), 301–319. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000422

Palmer, C. A., & Alfano, C. A. (2017). Sleep and emotion regulation: An organizing, integrative review. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 31, 6–16. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2015.12.006

Watling, J., Pawlik, B., Scott, K., Booth, S., & Short, M. A. (2017). Sleep loss and affective functioning: More than just mood. Behavioral Sleep Medicine, 15(5), 394–409. https://doi.org/10.1080/15402002.2016.1141770