Grounded Growth Counseling & Consulting, LLC

Have you ever worked incredibly hard toward something you wanted…

…only to finally achieve it and immediately think: “Okay…what’s next?”

You get the degree.

Then you need the job.

You get the job.

Then you need the promotion.

You lose the weight.

Now you need to lose five more pounds.

You finish the project.

Instead of feeling proud, you immediately notice everything you could have done better.

You reach the goalpost…

and somehow, it moves.

If this sounds familiar, you may have gotten very good at achieving things – but not very good at letting your achievements count.

The Moving Goalpost

Goals aren’t inherently a problem. Goals can give us direction, help us grow, and encourage us to do things that matter to us.

The problem happens when reaching a goal doesn’t produce satisfaction. Instead, your brain immediately creates a new requirement.

“I’ll feel good about myself when…”

I’ll feel successful when I graduate.

I’ll feel confident when I get promoted.

I’ll feel good enough when people recognize my work.

I’ll be able to relax when I finish everything on my list.

And every time you arrive, the definition of “enough” changes. The finish line keeps moving.

Perfectionism Is Really Good at This

We often think of perfectionism as wanting to do everything perfectly.

But perfectionism can also show up in the way we evaluate ourselves.

Instead of allowing success to be evidence of competence, the perfectionistic brain finds a way to disqualify it.

“That wasn’t actually that difficult.”

“Anyone could have done that.”

“I should have done it sooner.”

“Yeah, but look at what they accomplished.”

“I could have done better.”

Suddenly, something you worked toward for months barely gets five minutes of recognition.

Research on perfectionism suggests that this distinction matters. Having high standards isn’t necessarily the problem. Difficulties are more likely to arise when self-worth becomes overly dependent on meeting those standards and when achievement is accompanied by persistent concerns about mistakes, inadequacy, or not doing enough.

In other words: Wanting to do well and needing to do well in order to feel okay about yourself are two very different things.

Why Doesn’t Success Fix It?

Here’s the frustrating part. If the underlying belief is: “I’m not good enough,” achievement rarely settles the argument for very long.

Instead, your brain changes the criteria.

You got an A? You should get A’s.

You received a compliment? They were just being nice.

You got the promotion? Now you have to prove you deserve it.

You handled something difficult? Well, you shouldn’t have struggled with it in the first place.

The achievement gets absorbed into the expectations rather than the evidence.

Yesterday’s accomplishment becomes today’s minimum requirement. And that’s exhausting.

Notice When You Use the Word “Should”

One clue that your goalpost has moved is the sudden appearance of the word should.

“I should be further along.”

“I should be making more money by now.”

“I should have figured this out.”

“I should be better at this.”

“I should be able to handle more.”

Pause when you notice these thoughts.

Ask yourself:

• According to whom?
• Where did this rule come from?
• Would I apply the same standard to someone else?
• Was this always my expectation, or did I create it after I succeeded?

Sometimes we don’t realize we’ve moved the goalpost until we look back and notice that we’re standing exactly where we once desperately wanted to be.

Let the Win Be a Win

This can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.

When something goes well, don’t immediately improve it.

Don’t qualify it.

Don’t compare it.

Don’t turn it into another assignment.

Try simply acknowledging: “I did that.”

Maybe you finished something difficult.

You spoke up for yourself.

You survived a hard year.

You started therapy.

You asked for help.

You tried something that scared you.

You made progress that nobody else can see.

You don’t have to convince yourself that it’s the greatest accomplishment in human history.

You just have to stop pretending it doesn’t count.

Try the “Before I Move On” Practice

The next time you accomplish something, pause before setting the next goal.

Ask yourself: What did this require from me?

Maybe persistence.

Courage.

Patience.

Vulnerability.

Discipline.

Creativity.

Growth.

Then ask: What would past-me think about where I am right now?

Give yourself a moment to actually experience the accomplishment before deciding what comes next.

You can even make a rule: Before I move the goalpost, I have to acknowledge crossing it.

Keep the Receipts

If your brain has a habit of forgetting your progress, start keeping evidence.

Write down:

• Things you’ve accomplished.
• Difficult situations you’ve handled.
• Compliments you’ve received.
• Risks you’ve taken.
• Ways you’ve grown.
• Things that used to be difficult that are easier now.

Not because you need to prove your worth. But because your brain may need help remembering the whole story.

Progress becomes difficult to see when you’re constantly looking toward the next destination.

Sometimes you have to turn around.

You Can Want More and Appreciate What You Have

Stopping the moving goalpost doesn’t mean giving up ambition.

You can want the promotion and be proud of the job you have now.

You can want to grow and recognize how much you’ve already grown.

You can have goals and like yourself before you achieve them.

You can ask: “What’s next?” without using the answer to erase everything that came before it.

There will always be another goal. Another milestone. Another opportunity to improve.

But if you only allow yourself to feel successful once you’ve finally “made it”, you may spend your entire life waiting for a finish line that keeps moving.

So every once in awhile, stop. Look around. Notice where you’re standing. Because there’s a good chance that at some point in your life, the version of you was the goal. And that deserves to count.

References

Egan, S. J., Wade, T. D., Shafran, R., & Antony, M. M. (2014). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of perfectionism. Guilford Press.

Khossousi, V., Greene, D., Shafran, R., Callaghan, T., Dickinson, S., & Egan, S. J. (2024). The relationship between perfectionism and self-esteem in adults: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 52(6), 646–665. https://doi.org/10.1017/S1352465824000249

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.

Shafran, R., Cooper, Z., & Fairburn, C. G. (2002). Clinical perfectionism: A cognitive-behavioural analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 40(7), 773–791. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0005-7967(01)00059-6

Shafran, R., Egan, S. J., & Wade, T. D. (2018). Overcoming perfectionism: A self-help guide using cognitive behavioural techniques (2nd ed.). Robinson.